


Trans Horny Boys And Co

by Voidfish



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Character, in chapter 10 angst lotta angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2018-12-06 03:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11591775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfish/pseuds/Voidfish
Summary: Collection of drabbles about trans headcanons for The Adventure Zone.





	1. Not Really A Boy, Not A Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I'm actually trying to start a multi-chapter fic!  
> I wanted to start this to start working on something larger than what I normally do and also because there aren't enough fics dealing with trans characters! I'm gonna try to have this update on Sundays and Wednesdays.  
> See additional notes at end of chapter.

Kravitz trusted Taako, despite the elf’s reputation. He was witty, charming, and surprisingly loyal and honest once you gained his trust, and, more importantly, his attention. Their relationship had been steadily progressing from something casual to maybe even something intimate, and Kravitz was surprised to find that Taako wanted things between them to work even more than Kravitz did.

Which is why this should have been an easy conversation, one the two of them should have had before anything happened with them. But Kravitz was scared.

***

Kravitz knew for a fact that they weren’t a girl. That much had been clear their entire life. But that didn’t mean they felt like a boy, either. And that was the scariest realization of all. So they fought against it. Kept it hidden, worked hard enough to repress it, tried to get used to what the world saw them as.

It worked for a while. 

But in death there’s so much time to think, to experiment, to try something new. And the Raven Queen was a supportive patron. She asked, the first time the two of them sat face to face, what Kravitz wanted to be called by.

And suddenly, things long buried were unsheathed.

There were stranger things, in this world of death and monsters, then someone who wasn’t a girl or a boy, they decided.

***

Not many people knew about Kravitz’s pronouns-they didn’t socialize much, and there was no reason for targets to know. The Raven Queen knew, a few of the other reapers, a handful of the souls scattered around who talked to them knew. But that confession was done easily, and quietly, with the help of Raven usually. 

Telling Taako would be something different.

Their relationship had developed almost suddenly. At first they were fighting against each other, Taako a bounty that Kravitz had to pick up, and now…

And now Kravitz was trying to decide the nicest way to arrange their hair for another date tonight.

Another. That was the oddest thing, that Taako kept seeing them and asking for more. 

Maybe that’s because he didn’t know.

When did Kravitz have the time to tell him? It wasn’t important in Lucas’ laboratory, and The Chug ‘N Squeeze was a professional meeting until suddenly it wasn’t. They’d been on three dates since then, sporadically. Things had been busy lately, what with the appearance and then subsequent disappearance of the Hunger, both for the land of the dead and the Bureau of Balance. But they managed to make it work, cramming in meetups during lunch breaks and when they should be sleeping, Kravitz appearing with a bottle of wine, Taako in charge of securing a venue.

Tonight was the first real date they would be able to go on since the Chug ‘N Squeeze. Which, of course, was exactly where they were headed tonight.

***

Three bottles of wine and two shitty bowls later Kravitz found themself being led into Taako’s dorm. 

This wasn’t how Kravitz had expected the night to wind up, but they certainly didn’t mind. Taako led them, tiptoeing, into his room. When they entered the room Taako, never one for subtlety, slammed the door as forcefully as possible. There was a muted scream that sounded like it was from Merle.

“Welcome to mi casa, homie,” Taako said, grinning, and gods he was beautiful.

Kravitz maneuvered slowly towards him, hand reaching for Taako’s neck. They stopped, an inch away. “May I...Can I kiss you?”

Taako smiled. “Hell yeah, man.”

***

“Taako, can I...tell you something?” Kravitz asked, their voice surprisingly soft and vulnerable. The two had retreated to the bed a while ago, lazily talking and cuddling. It was getting late, but neither needed sleep or rest, especially when they both knew that in the morning they would have to let go of each other.

Kravitz couldn’t stop thinking about what Taako had said earlier, when he had called them “man.” It was just the way that Taako talked, they knew that, but still…

They hadn’t had this conversation because it could be a deal breaker, but there was something about the soft, sweet moment that got Kravitz to speak up.  
Taako turned to face Kravitz, and in the pale moonlight they could tell that he had grown nervous. Still, he smiled. “Of course, bone daddy.” The two of them laughed at that for a moment before Taako softened. “You can tell me anything, Krav. Is this too much for you?”

Kravitz blushed. “No, no, of course not! This is...this is really nice.”

The tension released from Taako’s body. “Then what’s going on?”

And now that it was actually happening every nerve in Kravitz’s body was screaming. 

“I think…” Shit, maybe they could pull out of this before it was too late? “Well, I wanted to say…” But Taako looked so supportive, so concerned that there was something going on, and suddenly the truth spilled out. “I don’t think I’m a boy. But I know I’m not a girl, either, and I just...”

Taako smiled softly, bringing his hand to rest on Kravitz’s shoulder. “Thanks for telling me, bubala.”

Kravitz let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. “That isn’t a problem for you?”

For a moment Taako lost his control, eyes narrowing in anger at whoever would evoke such a response, but in a second he was back. “Of course not. What do you want me to call you?”

Kravitz blinked. “Um, well…” Taako cocked a perfect eyebrow and Kravitz chuckled. “I prefer they/them, but if that’s too hard then he/him is fine, don’t worry about it-”

“Hey,” Taako interrupted. “You prefer they/them?” Kravitz nodded. “Then that’s what I’ll call you,” Taako finished. “Simple as that. I actually knew someone in my missions that used they/them, too.” Taako squinted. “Although, they were technically a pile of clay, so I’m not sure if that’s great representation or not.” Kravitz laughed.

They sat for a while like that, before Taako spoke up again. “I’m really glad you told me.”

“I’m glad, too,” Kravitz replied.

“If something I say makes you feel uncomfortable,” Taako said, “tell me and I’ll shut up.”

“That’s rare for you,” Kravitz joked, and Taako laughed.

“Are you comfortable with boyfriend or do you prefer something like datemate or fuck buddy?” Taako asked.

Kravitz smiled, and thought it over. “Boyfriend is fine with me.”

Taako snuggled up closer to them, limbs sprawling randomly on Kravitz’s body. They laughed, and Taako laughed too, a reverberation that Kravitz felt against their side. Taako rested his head on Kravitz’s shoulder.

“Well then, I love my boyfriend. I love them a lot.”


	2. Magnus Buys Man Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus runs into someone important while on his way to buy some hormones...
> 
> Literally runs into them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noa asked for "trans magnus...... and being in love with julia.... and that time in his life grif called "joy beyond measure"..... because i want my boy to be happy and also trans....." and honestly? Same, Noa, so here you go. This isn't going to be the last chapter based off of that prompt, I think-I want to explore Magnus and Julia more in this fic.  
> The plan is for this fic to update on Sundays and Wednesdays!

When Magnus Burnsides first saw her he was on his way to the local apothecary to grab some hormones. He had only been in town for a month or so, but he had been rapidly proving himself a skilled carpenter. The goal was to get an apprenticeship with one of the local shops-and Magnus, from his research, could tell that his best bet was getting into the Hammer and Tongs. He desperately wanted a job there, not only because they were the best shop in town, although that did that help. Mainly he wanted the job because the people were nice apparently, and, most importantly, they would deal with his room and board.

And currently, Magnus Burnsides was broke.

Part of the problem was the hormones-they certainly weren’t cheap, and he needed them once a week. He couldn’t go without them, though, so the current plan was eating lots of fantasy ramen and working frantically on getting some sort of real job. 

***

The apothecary’s shop was fairly crowded when Magnus arrived. He could see it in the distance from where he stood at the edge of the woods. He needed to make this trip quick- he had to get back to making pieces to show employers, and little commissioned pieces that helped pay for things like hormones. Magnus rushed in…

Right into someone else.

“Hey, watch it,” the woman he rammed into exclaimed. She managed to right herself before she fell over, and glanced up at him.

Magnus couldn’t breathe. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen before. She had beautiful dark brown skin and thick curly black hair that fell down past her shoulders, combined with wise chocolate colored eyes. The look in her eyes was...frustrated, curious, interested, so watchful. She saw everything. Magnus could feel her eyes scanning him, trying to figure him out, but he didn’t mind.

She was tall. Without her heels she would have been a few inches shorter than Magnus, but when she straightened up she towered. Magnus got the impression that she liked to be tall, to be in control. 

And she was ripped, too, from hard work in the forges. 

“Can I help you,” she asked, and Magnus realized he was staring. She was standing tall and confidently but he could tell from her face that she was uncomfortable. He still couldn’t speak. He always got like this when nervous, dammit, why was he nervous? The most incredible woman he’d ever seen was standing in front of him, that’s all.

“S-sorry for that! Oh, and uh, hail and well met?” Magnus finally choked out. She laughed at that, which helped to undo the knot in Magnus’ stomach. The sound was like bells. “How can I make it up to you?” 

The woman smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Weeeeeell,” she drawed out, “you could always pay for my potion.” She laughed a little at that.

Magnus did an inventory of how much money he had. It’d be tight, but he just wouldn’t eat tonight. “Done,” he replied, and started walking.

“Wait, a second!” The woman ran after him, and she was fast. Magnus stopped. “I was just joking, you really don’t have to do that.”

Oh. “But I want to,” he said. The woman scrunched up her face.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because I made you upset and I’m sorry.” To Magnus it made complete second. The woman frowned for a second before glancing at Magnus.

“You’re not going to back down, are you?”

“Probably not,” Magnus laughed, and the woman laughed with him. 

“Well, you’re lucky I’m not in the mood to argue,” the woman said, “because I’m known to be pretty damn stubborn.” She paused. “That was kind of a joke.”

The two of them reached the apothecary’s tent.

“What do you need?” Magnus asked.

“Package for Julia Waxmen is all you have to say,” she said. Magnus paused.

“Is that you?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Julia chuckled.

“Julia,” Magnus repeated, “that’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Julia smiled. “I like it, too.”

Magnus walked up to the counter. “Um, package for Julia Waxmen...” He looked over his shoulder at Julia to check if that was correct. She gave him a big thumbs up. “...and a testosterone potion. Did I say that right? Like, man juice. You got any of that?”

The person behind the counter chuckled and handed Magnus two bags. He paid quickly and wandered over to Julia who was giggling hysterically.

“Did you just say man juice,” she gasped between laughs, and Magnus couldn’t help but join her. 

“That was, yeah, that was pretty dumb,” he wheezed out. He handed her bag, which she gladly took. “What did you get, anyways? Oh, if you don’t mind me asking!”

Julia smiled. She leaned into him as if it was some big secret. “Woman juice.” Magnus chuckled. 

“I never got your name, by the way,” Julia said as they started to head out. The two of them were heading in the same direction.

“Oh, it’s Magnus Terry Burnsides.” He smiled. “But my friends just call me Magnus.”

“Magnus is a lovely name,” Julia said to him.

Magnus laughed. “Thanks! I did pick it.”

 

***

And when he realized that Julia Waxmen was the daughter of Steven Waxmen, owner of the Hammer and the Tongs, after he had been called over and told he got the job, Magnus could barely breathe with excitement. 

Julia was grinning when he saw her next; he ran into her, again.

“Do you know what this means?” Magnus stammered out. “We can go to the apothecary together!”

And as Julia laughed hysterically, Magnus thought to himself: things are finally turning around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is @lesbian-lochness come scream about Julia Burnsides with me!   
> And thank you so much for the amazing suggestions-keep 'em coming, and let me know what you think of this chapter also!


	3. Nail Polish Honesty Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle still picks up on the way he shrinks into himself. “It’s nothing bad, we just wanna make sure you’re...shit, I’m not good with emotions, Magnus?”
> 
>  
> 
> “We wanna make sure you’re comfortable.” Magnus says. “And if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, let us know.” He takes a deep breathe. “Taako, are you okay with us using he and him to describe you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for zestycheck (breathingfire) who asked for nb boy Taako! Again, this is not the last time I will be using this request.  
> Warning for a mild anxiety attack in there, canon typical language and dirty humor (but nothing bad enough to bump up the rating).  
> Thank you so much for giving suggestions for future chapters-keep them coming!

Taako’s honestly not sure how things got to this point. One minute he’s signing up for a quest with two strangers with the promise of money, standing as far away from the newcomers as he possibly could, and now…

Now he’s painting Magnus Burnsides’ fingernails in the common room of their suite as Merle Highchurch reads a newspaper on the couch.

“Can you do the burgundy?” Magnus asks, as always a little too loud.

“This?” Taako picks up a nearby bottle. Magnus nods. “Listen, kemosabe, this is crimson.”

Magnus squints. “Looks like burgundy to me.”

Taako laughs. “To the untrained eye they look the same, but the master knows the difference. Burgundy is more purple-ish.”

Merle chimes in. “I think it’s more of a magenta.”

“You’re wrong,” Taako replies, unscrewing the lid of the polish and getting to work. 

“Magenta is purple, not a red,” Magnus says.

Merle sighs. “I knew that,” he says, clearly bluffing. “I just like how it sounds. Magenta. Nice sounding word.”

“If you two chucklefucks are done blabbering on,” Taako says, “this artist works best in silence.”

For a minute there’s a pause, a sweet lull in the conversation.

“Hey, Taako?” Magnus breaks the silence, his voice uncharacteristically soft and reserved. Taako can’t help but look up from his work.

“What’s wrong, buddy?” Taako says.

Magnus’ face is the most expressive thing he’s ever seen-when he responds, it’s with every muscle. Magnus shakes his head, eyes widening, a laugh slipping out.

“Nothing’s wrong, I was just wondering if the three of us could have a…” Magnus, never one for words, fumbles.

“We wanna have a group meeting,” Merle supplies, gently, from the couch. Magnus nods eagerly.

Taako’s blood runs cold.

“This isn’t gonna be two against one, right?” Taako says, managing to keep his voice somewhat calm. He puts the nail polish down. 

Merle still picks up on the way he shrinks into himself. “It’s nothing bad, we just wanna make sure you’re...shit, I’m not good with emotions, Magnus?”

 

“We wanna make sure you’re comfortable.” Magnus says. “And if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, let us know.” He takes a deep breathe. “Taako, are you okay with us using he and him to describe you?”

And there were a million things that Taako had expected to be said: what is your problem, why do you hate us so much, you need to leave, we’ve kept you around too long.

This was not where he thought the conversation was headed.

“Um,” Taako starts, “where did this come from?”

“You don’t like being called a man,” Merle says. Magnus nods.

“And sometimes when people call you a guy you look really uncomfortable,” Magnus says.

Taako was shocked. They’d been paying attention...they were looking out for him. This was new.

“I don’t like being called a man,” Taako starts, slowly, “but I like being called he.”

“Okay,” Magnus says, “we just want to be sure.” He’s being so soft and Merle’s looking at Taako with something that might even be love in his eyes and this should feel wrong but it’s nice, it’s really, really nice.

“Just breathe.” Merle is suddenly beside Taako, hands inches from him, and Taako realizes that he’s started to hyperventilate. Great.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you overwhelmed,” Magnus says. Taako looks up to find the fighter with tears in his eyes.

“It’s all good big guy,” Taako wheezes out, focusing on his breathing. Finally, when he’s more control, he speaks again. “I’m just...I’m not used to being around people who care about me.”

Merle and Magnus look at each other for a second.

“Well ya better get used to it,” Merle says, hands firmly planted on his hips, “‘cause we’re sticking around.”

Taako doesn’t know what to say. He sees the abandoned project from before.

“Want me to finish doing your nails, Maggie, or do just want the pinky done?”

Magnus laughs. “I think the pinky only is a fashion statement,” he says as he sits down and gives his hand to Taako.

Merle grabs his newspaper from where he set it down and the three return to comfortable silence.

“Thanks for asking,” Taako says, quietly.

“No problem,” Magnus replies, at a volume that is “Magnus quiet” and “everyone else normal volume”.

“What I want to know,” Merle chimes in, “is if we’re still tres horny boys, or if we’re dos horny boys and a sexually active fella.”

“Never say sexually active again,” Magnus says.

Taako laughs. “Nah, I like the original better. Tres horny boys for life, homie.”


	4. Porch Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, but seriously,” Taako continued, “Ango is sorta questioning his gender right now? And he was wondering if he could ask you a couple of questions.”  
> “Hell yeah, shoulda started with that,” Lup responded, shooting Taako a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, but it's done! This one was inspired by a suggestion I got on my tumblr "Lup chatting with nb Angus, post-series? Angus has Gender Questions and he's already got the trans BOY perspective; now he wants the trans GIRL perspective. Background implication of thb being supportive would be nice." Which is...literally perfect bless you anon. Again, I don't think I'm done with trans Ango, especially with where this chapter ends. Next update is Sunday, keep sending suggestions either here or at my tumblr! Warnings for anxiety. Also: the chapter's about nonbinary Angus, but Angus uses he/him for most of the story because he's not sure about pronouns yet-just wanted to clarify.

There were a few things that Lup had to get used to when she visited her brother’s house. One was Kravitz being around-it was their house too, after all. The two had made a treaty about the whole lich thing, and they were on pretty good terms at the moment, but it was so strange and sweet to see the way Taako and Kravitz interacted, the way the two always had their hands on each other.

  
The other thing Lup had to get used to was how often Angus would visit.

Angus lived with Magnus, but he visited often for magic lessons, and Lup kept bumping into the kid. She hadn’t really talked to him much, but she knew a few things from her time in the umbrella and from what her brother would tell.

Taako, although he would never admit it, cared a lot about Angus, and Lup could tell why. He was smart and resourceful, a clever little piece of shit.  
She also knew that Angus was a positive influence in Magnus’ life. The kid kept him safe, made sure that he was looking after himself. Taako told her about how bad things got after their memories were erased, as they gossiped and did each other’s nails, how Magnus became even more reckless with his life. It’s incredible to see how much Angus helps.

And the other thing she knew about Angus was what Taako told her while she was hanging out in his kitchen right before Angus came over.

“So,” Taako started, and Lup stopped with her preparations. Taako only used that tone of voice when he has something really important to say. “Angus is coming over.”

“Yeah?” Lup said.

“Mhm. And he was wondering if he could have a chat with you?” Taako seemed nervous for some reason.

“What, kid decided to dump you and wants me to teach him magic?” Lup joked, and the tension leaked out of the room. Taako laughed.

“You wish.” Taako said. Lup went back to stirring the dough. She was making cookies from scratch, Taako was making brownies, and they were having a bet over which one tasted better, the judge being Magnus and Angus.

“No, but seriously,” Taako continued, “Ango is sorta questioning his gender right now? And he was wondering if he could ask you a couple of questions.”

“Hell yeah, shoulda started with that,” Lup responded, shooting Taako a grin. “Yeah, I can talk to...him? Them?”

Taako shrugged. “Kid doesn’t know yet. Said in the meantime to keep calling ‘im he/him until he comes up with a more permanent solution.”

  
“Gotcha,” was Lup’s reply. She tipped her spoon at Taako, sending a flick of dough onto him. “Oops,” she said, grinning.

Taako narrowed his eyes and gathered his brownie mix in his hands. “It’s on now, bitch.”

***

When Angus arrived they had managed to clean up the kitchen, but the food wasn’t ready yet.

There was a knock that reverberated through the house, and another, and then basically a drum solo on their poor door.

Taako sighed. “That’s Magnus, I’ll let him in.”

He returned a few minutes later, chatting with Magnus about something, Angus in tow.

Angus had gotten more relaxed ever since he had started living with Magnus, but one thing that hadn’t changed was the way the kid’s clothes. He still dressed like a fancy boy.

As the group trudged into the kitchen Lup could hear Taako and Magnus’ conversation.

“All I’m saying is I accidentally carved an extra batch of chairs-” Magnus started.

“How do you accidentally carve a chair? Seems intentional, Magpie.” Taako said.

“Okay, but I figured you guys could use them because your kitchen chairs are really gross and-”

The two continued to argue over chairs. Angus moved towards Lup.

“Hello, miss!” Angus said.

“Hey lil’ detective, how’s it going?” Lup reached her hand out and Angus let her ruffle his hair.

“I think Taako and Magnus are going to be arguing for a while,” Angus said.

And that was the largest improvement that Angus had done: he had stopped calling Magnus and Taako “sir”. Lup knew how big a deal it was, for everyone involved.

“Yeah, looks like it,” Lup sighed in agreement. Taako and Magnus were getting more animated, and Magnus kept pointing at the chairs nearby.

“Would you, um…” Angus squirmed. “Would you mind if we had a conversation? Until they finished?”

Lup smiled. “Wouldn’t mind at all. Wanna sit on the porch?”

Angus just nodded. The two relocated. Taako saw them move out of the corner of his eye and gave Lup a thumbs up before turning back to Magnus.  
The two sat down on the porch, a silence settling over them.

“D-did Taako talk to you about this?” Angus asked, voice soft.

“Just said you wanted to talk with me, and what it was about. What can I help you with, bud?”

Angus nodded. He looked so uncomfortable, and Lup wanted to help, but there wasn’t much she could do but listen and try to be as non-threatening as possible.

“I don’t think I’m a boy,” Angus started, tears forming.

Lup put her hands out in front of her, in a placating gesture. “Hey, bud, can I hug you right now?” Angus nodded, and she scooped him up in her arms. “That’s okay, you know? That’s awesome.”

“I don’t think I’m a girl, either,” Angus continued.

Lup started to rub circles on his back. “That’s okay, too. Nothing wrong with that.”

“But I-I’m too young for this stuff, ar-aren’t I?” Angus choked out. Lup frowned, and maneuvered him so that Angus could see her face.

“I figured out I was a girl when I was a little younger than you, ok,” she started, voice soft. “You’re never too young to start figuring out who you are. And you’re never too late, either.”

Angus nodded. “What if I change my mind?”

Lup smiled. “Nothing wrong with that, lil detective.” Angus smiled at Lup, before hugging her tightly. They stayed like that for a while.

“I don’t know about my name, or pronouns, or anything,” Angus said.

Lup shrugged, which tousled Angus. They laughed. “That comes from trial and error. It’s ok to experiment with that kinda stuff-you’ll find the right combo eventually.”

Angus nodded. There was another comfortable silence. “I’m afraid to tell everyone else,” Angus whispered. “I-I told Magnus, and he talked to me about his experience, and then I told Taako, who suggested I talk to you.”

Lup started rubbing circles in his back again. “Trust me, they’ll all be really proud of you. I know Magnus and Taako are, and I know I am.”

Angus pulled back to look at her. His eyes were wide. “R-really?”

Lup nodded. “You’re doing great, kid.”

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Lup and Angus looked up to see Taako standing at the door.

“Sorry to interrupt any disgusting domestic moment, but the food is done and I have five new chairs.” He seemed disappointed and confused by the last point.

Lup smiled down at Angus. “Try the cookies, they’re better than the brownies.”

Taako’s mouth fell open. “Angus don’t listen to her lies, bubbeleh, we all know who the real winner is.”

The two started to bicker. Angus, laughing, picked himself up and headed towards the kitchen.

_Angus headed towards the kitchen. They headed towards the kitchen,_  Angus tried.


	5. Angus McDonald and the Great Coming Out Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation with Lup helped put a lot of things into place for Angus, but it created a worse problem: Angus had to talk to Merle.
> 
> Merle didn’t talk to Angus much, but he visited Magnus and Taako and usually Angus was brought along.
> 
> For some reason Merle didn’t like Angus very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a continuation of the last chapter, dealing with nb angus! i wanted to hit on merle and my opinions on the whole angus and merle dynamic. i wrote this really tired and i'm on vacation so this chapter and next chapter will be more simple until i get back from vacation. keep suggesting though, and thanks for the great suggestions so far!
> 
> Warning: angus cries and is emotionally distressed, but don't worry, they're ok.

Angus McDonald, kid detective, had been in hundreds of scary situations, had out-sleuthed people twice their age, had gambled for their life multiple times and won. Angus had been in far worse predicaments. That didn’t change the fact that they were terribly nervous to talk with Merle Highchurch.

***

It took Angus a while before they told Magnus that something was wrong. It wasn’t with their home-Angus had never been happier than after they moved in with Magnus-or allergies or anything like that. It was with them. Gender was...confusing.

And Magnus was so kind, he insisted that Angus tell him when something was wrong. And they couldn’t stop thinking about it, questioning and obsessing over gender.

Magnus, when they told him, smiled gently and placed a giant hand gently on their shoulder. “I’m proud of you, kiddo,” Magnus said. “What can I do to help?”

Magnus was too good.

***

Taako was an entirely different story-he wasn’t open like Magnus, but he cared just as much, although he would die if he knew that Angus had figured that out.

Taako cared about Angus, and he showed this through magic lessons. He didn’t have to help Angus, didn’t have to do anything. Sure, he complained constantly, but it was really nothing more than lighthearted teasing.

It was during a break from lessons that Taako spoke up.

“So what’s got you shaken, Agnes?” 

Angus’ head darted up. “S-sir?”

Taako was sprawled back dramatically, but there was tension in his shoulders that gave away that he was treading carefully. “Not on your A game today, Agnes. Something bothering you?”

Angus looked down at their hands, weighing their options. The same old problem was going through their mind-the conversation with Magnus the night before had been helpful, but it just added more tension as well. The two had talked for an hour or so, Angus asking questions, Magnus trying to answer. He did so well, he had asked what he could do to help, but Angus didn’t even know who they were and what they wanted.

“What do you do,” Angus started slowly, “when you’re uncomfortable with something about yourself?”

Taako cocked his head to the side and thought. “You change what’s bothering you.”

Tears welled up in Angus’ eyes. “What if you can’t change what’s bothering you?”

Taako’s eyes narrowed. He approached, softer than he had ever been before. “What’s going on, Angus?”

Angus bit their lip. “I don’t think I’m a boy? I don’t know.”

Taako knelt, so he was eye level with Angus. “Have you talked with Magnus about this?”

Angus nodded.

Taako looked at the floor for a minute, thinking. “Do you think,” Taako started slowly, “that talking to someone with a different perspective would help?”

Angus looked up in confusion. “A different perspective?”

“My sister loves to talk and she’s easily bribed.”

Angus laughed, and thought that over. “I’d like that.”

***

The conversation with Lup helped put a lot of things into place for Angus, but it created a worse problem: Angus had to talk to Merle.

Merle didn’t talk to Angus much, but he visited Magnus and Taako and usually Angus was brought along.

For some reason Merle didn’t like Angus very much.

Angus wasn’t sure what the problem was-maybe it was them? Because Merle was kind and forgiving to everyone else. 

The two had barely spoken since the Hunger had left, but when Merle did address them, it was usually by “he” and not by their name.

So something had to be said.  
Magnus had helped them prepare-they roleplayed the situation, which quickly dissolved into Magnus doing a horrible Merle impression while Angus asked him questions. It hadn’t helped prepare them, but it helped their nerves. 

***

“Sir, could I talk to you for a minute?”

It was easy to get Merle outside-it was harder to get him alone with Angus.

“Whaddya need, kid?” Merle didn’t seem upset, but he definitely wasn’t in a good mood. They’d have to make this quick.

“Well, I think it’s important that you understand, um, that I, well-” Angus’ face was heating up. This was hard, the words stuck in their throat.

Merle narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Spit it out.”

So Angus did. “I’m not a boy or a girl!” They yelled out.

Merle sat there, eyes wide, frozen for a moment. And then he smiled. “Good for you, kid.”

“Y-your...that’s it?” Angus was stunned.

“What else am I supposed to say,” Merle teased. 

And that was when Angus started crying.

“Aw, Pan, don’t do that,” Merle said, shuffling over to Angus. “What did I do this time?”

“I’m f-fine,” Angus sniffled, fighting back both tears and a smile. “I-I just didn’t think this would go this well.”

Merle looked almost hurt. “Did you think I wouldn’t support you?”

“Well, I know you don’t like me, and that’s fine, sir, but I figured-”

“What makes you think I don’t like you?” 

Angus was surprised, as they looked up at Merle’s face. They would have sworn from his words that he was joking, but his face was serious and honest.

“You’ve told me, before, sir, you’ve explicitly said ‘Angus I don’t like you’” Angus explained.  
Merle frowned. “Yeah, sounds like me. But I didn’t-” Merle sighed, and then he looked into Angus’ eyes. Angus could see that he was scared, and hopeful, and honest.

Merle started again. “You reminded me of my own kids when I didn’t wanna remember them. So I may have been a little harsh on ya. But you’re alright kid.”

Angus smiled. “Thank you, Merle, that means a lot to me.”

The two looked at each other for a tense moment before looking away, not used to the emotional honesty.

“So,” Merle finally said, “still Angus? Or what?”

“Still Angus,” Angus clarified, “But I use they/them pronouns. It’s like-”

“Jeez kid, I know how pronouns work,” Merle cut in. They sat in silence for a moment again before Merle spoke, quieter. “How do pronouns work?”

Angus smiled.


	6. Butch Gender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurley shakes her fork around in agreement. “That ass! He says to me, he says,” Hurley stops to clear her throat. She starts again in a rough gravely, terrible impression of the captain. “‘Hurley, this is a very important gala that I’m asking you attend, so you’re going to have to actually dress like a girl.”’ 
> 
> There’s a silence for just a second that Sloane decisively breaks. “That’s it, I’m gonna kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear on Sunday I'm going back to the amazing suggestions from you guys! Keep 'em coming.  
> Today's chapter is about Sloane and Hurley!  
> Sloane's a trans girl lesbian and Hurley's a nonbinary butch lesbian and they're really in love.  
> The title is a reference to nb butch lesbians who often joke that their gender is just "butch", in case anyone was unaware!

Sloane sits, reading a book. The door is thrown open. She stands and feels a force crash into her.

“So I take it work was bad,” Sloane jokes. Hurley, who ran into their apartment and immediately threw herself at her girlfriend, manages to crack a small smile. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Maybe later,” Hurley mutters into Sloane’s stomach, which is the highest she can reach. Sloane tries to hold back a chuckle. “What?” Hurley says.

Sloane can’t hold back the laughter anymore. “That tickles.”

Hurley lets out a chortle despite herself. “Did you start dinner yet?”

Sloane raises an eyebrow. “Cooking is our thing.” Hurley sighs. “But,” Sloane cuts in, “I can do it myself tonight.”

Hurley looks relieved, but she still hesitates. “Are you sure?”

Sloane nods. “Get some rest, you look like shit, babe,” she teases. Hurley cackles, a loud sound that automatically brings a grin to Sloane’s face. Hurley swats at Sloane’s thigh before heading over to the couch.

***

Hurley is a great storyteller, especially when she’s angry, and even more so when she’s gesturing with a fork full of pasta. “So then Captain Bane-”

Sloane interrupts. “That ass.”

Hurley shakes her fork around in agreement. “That ass! He says to me, he says,” Hurley stops to clear her throat. She starts again in a rough gravely, terrible impression of the captain. “‘Hurley, this is a very important gala that I’m asking you attend, so you’re going to have to actually dress like a girl.”’ 

There’s a silence for just a second that Sloane decisively breaks. “That’s it, I’m gonna kill him.”

Hurley is a fiery red. “I know he didn’t know-and he didn’t mean it like that, but just-”

“So maybe not kill him,” Sloane says, stabbing at her pasta, “but definitely sneak into his house and steal his cat.”

Hurley raises an eyebrow. “Does he even have a cat?”

Sloane shrugs. “He won’t after we take it.”

 

Hurley’s laugh is a beautiful sound. Sloane feels so blessed that she gets to hear it everyday.

“I don’t think I can wear a dress for a whole night,” Hurley mutters. 

“Then don’t,” is Sloane’s reply. Hurley looks up, startled. “Fuck the rules. Here’s the plan,” Sloane spreads her hands out, fingers wide, “you show up looking hot as hell in a tux. Me, I’m your arm candy, in a little black dress. We show up fashionably late, get really drunk, and then make out at the snack bar.”

Hurley giggles. The thought makes her bright red. “I won’t even wear a tux, I’ll just put on a tank and cargo shorts.”

Sloane cackles. “Now you’re thinking!”

***

“Hey, Sloane?”

Sloane looks up from her book and directly into the eyes of Hurley, who’s cuddled up beside her. “Wassup, Curly Hurley?” 

Hurley smiles before her face drops. “D’you think it’s stupid? The whole dress thing?”

“‘Course not,” Sloane replies, pulling Hurley closer. “If something makes you feel uncomfortable then it’s not stupid to avoid it.”

“I just,” Hurley stops for a second, fists balled up, “I just don’t get it. I’m okay with being called she most of the time, but when it comes to being called ma’am, or dresses, I just get so uncomfortable, and it doesn’t make sense-”

“Hey,” Sloane says, hands reaching out for Hurley. Hurley stops, looking at her for a second, before barreling into her girlfriend for a hug. They stay like that for a moment.

“I’m frustrated,” Hurley whispers. Sloane rubs circles in her back. 

“Gender’s hard,” Sloane says. Hurley nods into her shoulder. “Look, when I was first figuring things out I thought I couldn’t be a girl because I wanted to be a pirate.” Hurley laughs. “But I’m still a girl, and I’m kind of like a pirate?”

Hurley giggles, and looks up at Sloane. “My little pirate.”

Sloane laughs. “That makes no sense, Hurls.”

Hurley frowns. “Yeah, I know, I just figured…”

Sloane leans down and kisses her.

“Aren’t I a little old to be figuring this stuff out?” Hurley asks.

Sloane shakes her head. “It’s never too old. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes. I’ll stick with you the whole way.”

Hurley’s beaming, her whole face flushed red and filled with such love and appreciation. “That’s pretty gay, Sloane.”

Sloane shrugs. “That’s me, Sloane, raging homosexual.”

Hurley breaks into hysterics, and Sloane joins her. 

***

Hurley fixes her tie in the mirror and smoothes her pants. “Hurry up, babe.”

Sloane sticks her head in. “Relax, Hurls, we’re gonna be fashionably late, remember?”

Hurley frowns. “Pretty soon we’re gonna be late late.”

Sloane nods and enters a few minutes later. She managed to find the little black dress, and heels to match. Hurley could barely breathe.

“You look so handsome,” Sloane says, and Hurley can’t help but feel so in love.

“If Bane gives me shit we’ll steal his cat,” Hurley responds, stretching to kiss Sloane’s cheek. “He does have one, her name is Muffin. And if anyone asks me if I’m a boy or a girl, or any bullshit like that, I’ll just say I’m butch gender.”

Sloane laughs, a beautiful, life changing sound.

And they’re off, hand in hand.


	7. Scars and Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia takes her hands, her strong and calloused hands, and explores Magnus’ scars, rubbing gently over them, kissing them, blowing raspberries into the scarred flesh until they’re both laughing.
> 
> “Do you remember how you got these?” Julia asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I'm supposed to update tomorrow but I'm out of the house all day so I'm just gonna update today. The next update will still be Wednesday.  
> I named this chapter after the The Fray album because I can...  
> This chapter is a short Julia/Magnus being trans happy and in love thingy because i'm too low energy to do something longer and i want to put a lot of effort into the awesome stuff y'all suggest.  
> Warning: dick jokes, nothing sexual happens but they are sitting in bed and Julia is admiring Magnus' neked chest. So, know that in advance.

Magnus traces his hands over Julia’s cheek. She smiles, inches from his face, and he wants to kiss her in that moment. So he does-it’s that simple, now, now that Julia is his and he’s hers. He wants to hold her? All he has to do is ask.

Julia takes her hands, her strong and calloused hands, and explores Magnus’ scars, rubbing gently over them, kissing them, blowing raspberries into the scarred flesh until they’re both laughing.

“Do you remember how you got these?” Julia asks, her voice low and sleepy and so beautiful that Magnus forgets for a moment how to breathe. And then he’s back, grounded with Julia clutching at him, and he remembers that he has to respond.

“Most of ‘em,” he says.

She raises an eyebrow at him.

Magnus can’t help but chuckle. “This one,” he says, pointing at the scar over his eye, “I was too drunk, but I’m pretty sure it was a bar fight?”

Julia laughs, a throaty chuckle, and Magnus has to remind himself to breathe. Again. “Can I kiss it?”

“Of-of course,” Magnus chokes out, and Julia leans over. She smiles at him, her nose at his eye level, eyes lively and filled with mirth.

“What about these?” She asks, gesturing towards his chest.

Magnus can’t help but smile. He should give a straightforward answer, he knows, but he also knows Julia, so he can’t help but joke. “Yeah, I remember that fight. It was pretty rough, you shoulda seen the other guy.”

Julia laughs. “Those are top surgery scars, aren’t they?”

Magnus can’t help but give up his facade. “Yeah,” he says, and then they’re laughing into each other, foreheads pressed against each other, laughter shaking their frames.

“Has that ever worked?” Julia asks between gasps, and Magnus nods enthusiastically.

“Yeah, one time…” Magnus’ expression hardens as he searches for something he can’t find.

And Julia, at this point, knows what to do when Magnus gets like this, when he gets lost in his own mind.

“Hey, Maggie? You with me?” She says, low and calm. He shakes his head, and turns to her.

“Sorry,” Magnus says, still fighting through the fuzz in his head.

“It’s okay, babe,” Julia says, grabbing Magnus’ head and bringing it to her chest. He repositions and lets himself be held like this.

“Have you ever done that, before? Tried to mess with people?” Magnus asks, and Julia laughs.

“When I started transitioning and didn’t have shaving down I told one girl I was a werewolf,” Julia says, and Magnus bursts into laughter.

“Did she buy it?”

“I think so, she started avoiding me,” Julia shrugs. Magnus smiles.

“I told one person my dick got blown off in a war,” Magnus adds, and it’s Julia’s turn to shake with laughter.

“You did not!” She howls, and Magnus grins. 

“I did! He didn’t buy it, but hey, I tried!”

They stay together, laughing and joking, telling stories, until the sun climbs out of hiding and they settle into their daily routine.

Magnus doesn’t know how he got so lucky, to find this woman who holds him when he can’t think, who pulls him out of the fog he sometimes gets lost in, who teases him.

He’s not sure how, but he knows what family is supposed to feel like, deep in his heart. And Julia feels like home.

So he lets himself stay in reality, doesn’t follow the static. He stays on the ground, because that’s where Julia is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, but the person who thought that Magnus' scars were from a knife fight was Barry, even though he's a trans man himself he knows nothing about top surgery so he just??? assumes that magnus is a very rowdy boy. Taako, Lup, and Magnus make fun of Barry for a full week. Maybe if y'all want it I'll write that chapter, too.


	8. Here To There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s this about, Barold?” Lup says, voice turning cold. This wasn’t a comfortable conversation to be having, not in a seedy bar, and not with Barry. Nobody knew much about Barry beside that he loved science and was really fucking good at it. He was like Lucretia in that he was shy, smart, and asocial. But Lucretia had a fire about her, a passion about her biographies. She made sense. Lup hadn’t been able to get close enough to Barry to figure out what made him tick. Yet.
> 
> “Oh, I didn’t mean to be rude!” Barry shouts out, face flushing, glasses thrown askew as he snaps his head up. “I just mean-you’re so confident, and you don’t care what others think, and I, uh,” Barry scratches his neck, eyes glued to the table, a blush spreading like wildfire. “I need some of that right now,” he finishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Littlegraybunny, who asked for "Trans man Barry and Lup at the beginning of the IPRE mission bonding over their shared experiences of transitioning and Barry thinking about how, if after 100+ years of being alive Lup can be so confident and self-assured, that maybe in time he will be the same way, and looking up to her as a symbol of a happy future where he will feel comfortable in his skin. and then 100 years later, at the end of their journey, reflecting on how much she taught him about being confident and learning to love himself, and how far he's come with all of it and how much he owes her and loves her for always being there for him ;w;"
> 
> This wasn't followed 100% through, so I apologize, and again I might reuse this suggestion.
> 
> Warning for Barry having the sads at first.

“How do you do it,” Barry asks. Lup glances at him, confusion gorgeously written on her face.

It’s the night before the Starblaster leaves home, and Magnus, Taako, and Lup were convinced that the team bond at a seedy bar in town. 

Lup was surprised that Barry had come-he seemed like the kind of guy that stayed home and read in these sort of situations. And sure, he was huddled in the corner, nursing a beer, but he was still here.

And, sometime throughout the night, he had been left in charge of a slightly drunk Lup while Taako and Magnus played pool.

“You’re gonna have to be specific, dear, I do a lot of things,” Lup responds, a fake grin strewn across her face.

Barry laughs, eyes glued on the table in front of him. “You’re just so confident. About yourself? And I was wondering how you manage to do it.”

“What’s this about, Barold?” Lup says, voice turning cold. This wasn’t a comfortable conversation to be having, not in a seedy bar, and not with Barry. Nobody knew much about Barry beside that he loved science and was really fucking good at it. He was like Lucretia in that he was shy, smart, and asocial. But Lucretia had a fire about her, a passion about her biographies. She made sense. Lup hadn’t been able to get close enough to Barry to figure out what made him tick. Yet.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to be rude!” Barry shouts out, face flushing, glasses thrown askew as he snaps his head up. “I just mean-you’re so confident, and you don’t care what others think, and I, uh,” Barry scratches his neck, eyes glued to the table, a blush spreading like wildfire. “I need some of that right now,” he finishes.

Lup clears her throat, grabbing Barry’s attention. “How about we have this conversation outside. Sound good?”

Barry nods, standing. Lup leads the way, only stumbling slightly. They make it to the front of the bar before Taako notices their absence. He turns, and Lup catches his eye. She gives him a thumbs up. The bastard just winks.

And then she’s standing, moderately drunk, in the brisk night with Barry J Bluejeans. 

“So you’ve come to steal my secrets?” Lup asks, face smug and composed even though on the inside she has no idea what’s going on.

“Huh, I,” Barry starts. Then he realizes she was joking and laughs. “When it comes to confidence, I guess I’d like to, uh, borrow your secrets? I’ll give them back, don’t worry.” He stumbles through, and Lup laughs. He’s awkward, sure, but it’s fun. Lup lives off of teasing, and Barry is almost too easy a target.

“Here’s the number one tip, Barry, and listen closely because I’ll only say it once,” Lup pronounces as she sits on the sidewalk outside of the bar. Barry follows her quickly, stumbling over his own feet. He sits down, and Lup grabs his face with her hands. “Fake it until you make it, buddy.”

Barry blinks, a frown emerging. “Is that, uh, all of it?”

Lup shrugs. “What can I say, Barry, pal? That’s all I got.”

“Oh.” 

Lup looks up, eyes wide with fear. Barry sounds...broken. And even if she’s discovering she loves to tease him, she hates to see the guy like this. 

“Barry, what’s this really about?” She asks.

Barry wipes tears out of his eyes-oh, gods, he’s really crying-and shakes his head. 

“It’s dumb,” he whispers.

Lup frowns. “Might be. Let me figure that out, ok?”

Barry laughs a little, and Lup scoots closer to him. Barry looks her in the eyes, and for once he doesn’t tear away.

“You’re so confident in your body...in your gender, and I just...wish that could be me.” He finally breaks eye contact, scooting away. “Told you it was dumb.”

Lup frowns. “Barry, I’ve been doing this for over a hundred years. You know that, right? It takes a while to get to where you’re comfortable. And you’re never going to be a hundred percent comfortable, you know? But I was serious, about the faking it stuff. You’re gonna get there eventually, just gotta hold yourself over until you get there. And Barry?”

Barry looks up, face so soft and trusting, and gods Lup is starting to figure out who Barry is and she’s starting to think that he’s a really good guy. “Yeah, Lup?”

“I’m here, if you need to talk.”

Barry smiles. “Thanks.”

Lup let out a deep breathe. “Well, this is getting too serious,” she announces before pushing him. And, best of all, he just laughs.

***

“Do you remember the conversation we had before we left home?” Barry asks Lup. The two are curled against each other, snuggling in their bed on cycle 95. 

Lup squints at the ceiling. “Was it about the shoe thing?”

Barry laughs. “I mean, that did happen. But the other one. About the whole confidence thing?”

Lup’s eyes widen. “Oh, yeah, that!”

Barry smiles. It seems that, no matter what’s happening, Lup always finds a way to make him smile. “I think-and don’t take this personally-I think you were right.”

Lup narrows her eyes, a wicked grin appearing on her face. “All I heard was that I’m right.”

Barry nudges her playfully. “After a hundred or so years, I think I’m comfortable with who I am.”

Lup softens. “I’m glad, babe.”

“I think it was because of you.”

Lup shakes her head. “As much as I would love to claim the credit on this one,” she starts, “and believe me, I would, I think this one is all on you.” She pokes him on the cheek. 

And Barry has never been comfortable, per se, in his body or his environment, but this is the closest to peace he has ever felt.


	9. Something More Than Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle Hitower Highchurch, loathe as he may be to admit it, doesn’t really know what gender is supposed to feel like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was done quickly last night so I apologize if it's a little messy. 
> 
> An Update: I start college on Thursday, so updates will be changed to once a week on Sundays. Summer (and my superhuman productivity) can't last forever :(
> 
> This chapter is projecting my own gender experience to a character that's often perceived as the cis friend!

Merle Hitower Highchurch, loathe as he may be to admit it, doesn’t really know what gender is supposed to feel like.

Oh, sure, he has guesses. He’s heard from his backwards town growing up what a man was supposed to be, how he was supposed to act and who he was supposed to chase. And Merle, for the longest time, had followed those rules down to the smallest instruction. He had been rough, and strong, and aggressive, and masculine, and you know what he found?

He didn’t like it.

He thought nothing of that, though. He wasn’t manly, that was fine. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be a man. And nothing felt off, nothing felt wrong, so it didn’t really matter.

If he was honest with himself, it didn’t really feel like...anything at all.

But that was how everyone felt. It had to be.

***

It’s Lup who introduces Merle to gender; it’s Lup that explains it. 

She talks to him before the mission, explains what being transgender is. 

“I’m having this conversation with you,” she starts, “because you’re old, my man.”

It’s informative, but he doesn’t think any more about it.

***

It’s Taako who introduces Merle to the places beyond gender.

It’s a goof that starts it all, just like everything else on the Starblaster.

Lucretia and Lup are both wearing blue one day, and everyone ribs on them, teasing.

“Looks like girls wear blue and the boys will wear red,” Magnus jokes.

Taako sighs dramatically. “Guess i’ll wear mauve or something.”

Everyone laughs but Merle. 

“I, uh, I don’t get it,” Merle says, and Taako groans. His posture tightens, and he pastes a fake smile on.  
“If boys wear red, and girls wear blue, I’ll wear mauve, which is a shade of fucking purple in case you forgot, because I’m not a boy or a girl. Capiche?”

Merle blinks. “Jeez, okay, just needed a little explanation. Proud of you, kid,” he says, hands held out, placating.

Taako’s tension pours out of his body, a smile on his face. “Ah, shut it, old man.”

***

Merle can’t stop thinking about what Taako said, about not being a girl or a boy. 

Merle never knew there was another option.

Because, the more he allowed himself to really think about it, nothing really fit about man or woman. He had never understood what people meant when they clung so strongly to their birth gender, what made men so possessive of being men. He was just Merle. It was like religion-gender existed, it had to, but it wasn’t constant and real. It wasn’t always there for him.

Merle just thought that maybe he was alone.

And sure, he/him felt fine, but so did they/them, the other pronoun that Taako had told him about. According to the elf there were so many pronouns, so many options out there that Merle never knew.

Growing up in a small religious town, no one tells you it’s ok to be different, it’s ok to be nothing, or something, or some combination.

Merle thinks, in the morning, he’ll ask Taako about some other pronouns to try out.


	10. They Made Me What I Am (You Made Me What I Want To Be)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John continues. “One of many perks about this life is that there’s no need for an accurate physical form. The form I have here is more of what I would have liked to be seen as. There’s no limitations here-only possibility.”
> 
> Merle blinks. “So you chose to look like a silver fox?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so warnings for this chapter: it's JohnChurch and it's really fucking sad at the end. I do apologize
> 
> Sorry it's so late, college is hectic!
> 
> Thanks to my friends Mickey and Charlie for inspiring this chapter, Mickey by getting me into this hellpair and Charlie for messaging me randomly with nothing but "John is trans" to which I was like "oh shit ur right".
> 
> More comments and explanations in the end notes.

Merle doesn’t know it in the moment, but there’s one conversation with John that sticks in his head, that lets him hope that there could be a man left in the monster.

The conversation had started normally.

“I’ll start with the questions this time. Do you not age, Merle?” John asks, gazing at the chessboard in front of them.

Merle shrugs. “Eh, I don’t think so? All my friends and me, we’ve looked the same since we left home.”

John frowns at the word ‘friends’. “Fascinating,” he says, eyes lost in thought. He moves a pawn forward.

Merle purses his lips together. “Well, you don’t age either.”

John laughs, an honest bark of a laugh. It’s not a nice sound.

“I don’t mind telling you this, Merle. This isn’t how I looked on my world,” John says, holding a knight tightly in his fingers.

The two had been talking for some time, but normally John shared close to nothing about himself. Merle was an open book, more than eager to share personal facts about himself with their enemy (some facts that he shouldn’t have shared, to be honest), but he had never seen John this honest. Merle leans forward.

John continues. “One of many perks about this life is that there’s no need for an accurate physical form. The form I have here is more of what I would have liked to be seen as. There’s no limitations here-only possibility.”

Merle blinks. “So you chose to look like a silver fox?”

John chuckles, and this time the sound is more genuine. It’s almost sweet, the way the sound echoes around Merle’s head and makes his heart race. 

“I suppose you could say so,” John smiles. “This is my age, I promise that. The features are just...stronger. More masculine.” John frowns, moving his knight and taking one of Merle’s pawns. “People are cruel, Merle. Heartless. The world doesn’t care and neither do them.”

“I mean, yeah,” Merle admits. John blinks, confusion clearly written on his face, and Merle can’t help but laugh. “You look surprised.”

“I am,” John admits. “You’ve never agreed with me before.”

Merle shrugs. “I’ve had some really close friends in that position. It breaks my heart. There’s nothing else to say about it. I’m really sorry it happened to you, buddy.”

John blinks once, and then twice, and by the time Merle realizes he’s crying John has his hands ready, prepared to blast Merle.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” John says, regaining control. “I just...thank you, Merle. For sympathizing. No one has done that for me before.”

And then he flicks his wrist and Merle is gone before he can respond.

***

“I’m a dad,” Merle laughs. “Or something like that. Parent? I don’t know.”

John cocks his head. There’s black goop oozing out of the cracks in his face that starts to lean that way, dripping down his cheeks. Either he doesn’t notice or he doesn’t mind. 

“You? A parent?” John asks, grinning, and Merle has always been confused by this, by the way this man can destroy worlds without blinking an eye and yet he is so gentle with Merle, doesn’t pry into Merle’s personal information, waiting patiently for Merle to make the first move.

“Yup-I got kids.”

“Merle, I don’t mean to be rude-may i ask-”

“Oh, it’s no problem. I don’t really know-I’m still figuring that out-”

John smiles at him. “That’s wonderful to hear, Merle. I’m glad that you’re figuring these things out.”

Merle shrugs. “I’ve got some great people helping me out. Y’know, John, everyone really cares. And their respectful. About this kind of stuff.”

John smiles sadly. “I think we both know it’s too late for me to join you, Merle.”

***

“Sit with me, Merle.” 

And there’s John, whole and beautiful John, the real John, stretched on the beach before him.

“Sure, buddy.”

They sit for a moment before John finally speaks up.

“I think we both know I’m dying, Merle.” He’s not upset-he seems at peace with this fact, but Merle isn’t nearly as resigned.

“I think we both know I’m not letting you go that easily, Johnny boy.”

John laughs. It’s a nice sound, a low rumble like thunder. “You know, I don’t mind when you call me that anymore.” There’s a nice lull, and Merle grabs John’s hand, holds it in his own. The hand is calloused and scarred. John has lived a hard life, and it shows.

“If I had known you beforehand, then maybe…” John chuckles darkly, humorlessly. “I was desperate then, Merle, I was hopeless, and the Hunger promised me that it could make everything better. Everything hurt, Merle, and I couldn’t bear the pain. I was an easy target-old, and powerful, and so, so alone.”

John pauses, and Merle doesn’t dare to break the emotional streak, doesn’t dare breathe. 

“You make me feel less alone,” John admits. “And that’s why I ran, why I hurt you, because I… Merle, there’s no excuse for my actions. I don’t expect you to forgive me-”

“I do,” Merle butts in.

“I don’t want you to,” John begs, turning to look Merle in the eyes, and Merle can see the cracks forming. John doesn’t have long. The hand that Merle holds starts to tremble lightly.

“Merle, I felt alone. And I tried to make everyone else feel the same, and I-promise me, you’ll do something about this.”

Merle lets out a soft breath. “Of course, John.”

John smiles, closing his eyes. “I think I can be at peace with this now. I’ve done almost everything I need to do”

“Wait!” Merle grabs John, pulling the taller man down towards him, and he kisses him.

They break apart, and John looks bad, cracks covering his face and arms, but his grin is so bright that Merle can’t help but smile back.

“Thank you, Merle,” John chuckles, voice soft and weak. “I think I’m ready to go now.”

“I’m not ready for you to leave,” Merle replies, holding John close to him as the man slumps forward. 

And just like that, John is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know John is a sensitive character so I wanted to explain why I wrote the "villian" as trans-for one, I love John as a character and I really wanted to write him. Two, I felt like if I was in his position where I was heavily depressed and dysphoric and an all powerful vore being offered me something to fix that I'd sign the hell up, so I felt like it was an interesting way to explore John's motives/motivations. Three, I'm really feeling that Johnchurch in this Chili's tonight.
> 
> I can't leave anything sad, so I might do a happier sequel. Let me know whatcha think!


	11. Learning to Love (Learning to Live)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s in love.
> 
> And that’s odd, that’s breathtaking, because Barry never thought he’d be able to love anyone. He never thought he’d trust again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for the two month hiatus. School has been hectic, my writer's block has gotten worse, yadda yadda, excuses excuses. I'm gonna try to continue writing this story, because it makes me happy, but I don't think I can have a set schedule.   
> In other, more exciting news, this chapter is special to me because I just came out as a bi nb trans boy! And what's a better way to feel better about that than to write about our favorite trans bi boy, Barry Bluejeans.
> 
> For anyone this holiday season who has to deal with misgendering, know that you're important and that your favorite TAZ character thinks you're the greatest. 
> 
> Also my tumblr has changed! Follow me @garfheadpambody

Crushes are hard when you’re pining over the most beautiful girl in the world.

Barry Bluejeans doesn’t mean for it to happen, doesn’t plan to get attached, but there’s something about Lup that he can’t help but fall in love with-the way she laughs with her whole body, the little hint of a smile she just can’t hide when someone trips and falls, the way she looks at him with mirth in her eyes like she’s about to start a fight and like she’s about to win it.

The worst part is that he can’t even convince himself that she’s someone he can never have-because the way that she bends over so they’re on eye level, the way she bites her lip and winks at him, it makes him wonder if there’s a possibility for the more he wants. And that’s the cruelest of all-the hope. He’s so hopeful that he can’t even let her go, can’t try to distract himself.

He’s in love.

And that’s odd, that’s breathtaking, because Barry never thought he’d be able to love anyone. He never thought he’d trust again. 

***

There’s hands like vices around his wrists, dragging Barry towards the woods. He tries to scream out but one of the bullies has a hand around his mouth. He licks it, which gives him just a second to yell out a quick “Help!” before the hand returns, along with a kick to the side.

“Way to ruin the fun, Hallwinter,” someone mutters, and he wants to cry as the group disappears into the woods with Barry between them.

They throw him to the ground. He centers himself and scrambles towards the school grounds, trying to escape. He doesn’t make it far.

“What’s the rush, Hallwinter?” One of the guys says, a tall human, probably fifteen years old. Barry’s ten, and small for his age. 

“L-leave me alone,” Barry manages to say, and the hands around his wrist tighten. 

“Say pretty please, freak,” another one says, a twelve year old half-elf.

Barry fights, tugging against the assailants. He’s trying not to cry, trying not to give the bullies what they want, but he can’t breathe and he’s so scared and they called him a freak. 

“Please,” Barry says, barely a whisper.

The boys look over at each other, nod, and let him go, giving him one last kick before he leaves.  
***

Barry Bluejeans didn’t realize he was a boy for longer than he’d like to admit. He didn’t know he liked girls, guys, and others for even longer. 

He just knew from the start that he was different.

And that meant that there were always people out to get him, people who saw him as the chubby girl genius who couldn’t talk with others, who worked better with numbers than with words, who wasn’t normal and never learned how to pretend to be.

It was harder to make friends when you didn’t know who was out to get you and who wasn’t. It was hard to get close to people if there was a chance they could turn on you.

It was a lonely childhood, but he learned instead of played, and it paid off when he was accepted to the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration. 

It wasn’t until college that Barry realized something wasn’t right. That he couldn’t be a girl-that he just wasn’t a girl. 

He tried to run from it. He worked harder, intent to graduate early. When that didn’t work, he tried the opposite-he partied every night, tried to forget, but that didn’t help either.

He was a grad student, drunk off his ass, when he finally talked about it with a freshman he met at a party. He was a sturdy man named Magnus Burnsides, who had drifted over to Barry’s corner and struck a conversation.

“I think I’m a boy,” Barry whispered. Magnus just blinked at him before grinning brightly.

“Hell yeah, man, I’ll drink to that!” 

And the next day when they were sober the two talked more. Magnus was studying combat, but he’d probably drop out soon because he was good enough not to need school. He talked too loud, but he never knew what was the correct volume so you had to tell him, and be nice about it. Magnus was a bisexual trans boy.

It was like a damn broke loose for Barry. “How-how do I know?” He asked. “How can I be sure?”

Magnus shrugged. “You try. And if it’s not right, that’s ok. It takes time.”

Barry sighed. “Is it even worth it?”

Magnus just smiled. “In my experience? Hell yeah, my man.”

***

Magnus Burnsides, it turned out, knew a guy who knew a guy who sold testosterone. He knew exercises that’ll help with dysphoria, he had an old binder or two he would be willing to give away, all for free. 

Barry offered to give him a few simple magic items to help Magnus with his dyslexia, and thankfully the younger man agreed. Barry couldn’t let him go away empty handed after all his help.

And friendship with Magnus was easier than it should have been. It was hard to trust, but Magnus? He was easy. He said what he meant, he told you when he was upset, and he would just talk if you didn’t feel like responding.

No, Taako and Lup were harder to talk to. 

It was a year after meeting Magnus that Barry was introduced to the twins. They were friends of Magnus, and they were also applying to the interplanar expedition run by Captain Davenport. They were beautiful, ethereal, and so terrifying.

The first time they meet Barry goes to shake Taako’s hand. The elf just laughs at him, eyebrows raised, and there is no way that Barry can deal with him. He excuses himself and leaves, barely hearing the worried whispers that follow. He was embarrassed, sure, but at least he’d never have to see them again.

And then the announcement for the team came out, and it turns out that Barry would be seeing a lot more of the twins than he wanted.

Lup talks to him soon after, drags him aside. She literally drags him, pins him against the wall. 

“I don’t know what my brother did but it’s his fault and I’m here to apologize for him,” she says. “Tell anyone and you’re dead.”

“O-okay?” Barry says, and Lup gives him a soft smile before letting him go.

“I know we’re intimidating, but he’s a dumbass, I promise,” Lup says, and Barry feels his breath even.

“I just…” he tries to find the words to explain. “I don’t like bullies.”

Lup raises a single well cared for eyebrow. “We’re not bullies, hon. We look like them, use camouflage, but trust me, babe, we’re on your side.” And with that she was gone.

***

Barry learns a lot about Lup, next. She’s an incredible evocation-based wizard, she sticks her tongue out when she’s concentrating. She likes to put flowers in her hair but she doesn’t trust any of Merle’s plants. She’s bi and trans and not ashamed.

Barry learns a few things about himself. 

He never knew how much he could love until he met her. Love her, love himself, how much he could feel. There were years upon years growing up where he worked on turning every emotion off, denying and fighting every feeling. Lup makes him want to try again, makes him want to do something reckless.

She makes him proud to be alive.

And so he does do something reckless-he trusts her. He opens up. He falls in love. 

And she falls in love, too.


	12. Serious Conversations And Serious Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Welcome,” Taako declares as Merle opens the door, “to the best day of your miserable life.” It’s an unexpected visit, but when is anything with Taako expected? 
> 
> “What, is it my birthday or something?” Merle chuckles, gesturing the elf in. Taako shakes his head. 
> 
> “Nope, grab your coin purse, we’re going shopping.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm back! 
> 
> This chapter is based on the fact that I, in two separate occasions, was taken to Good Will to shop in the boys section as someone telling me they accept me. I'd like to think that Taako would do the same.
> 
> Merle and Taako are both nb and they both use he/him pronouns! Merle is agender and Taako is a nonbinary boy. Merle came out much later in life.

“Welcome,” Taako declares as Merle opens the door, “to the best day of your miserable life.” It’s an unexpected visit, but when is anything with Taako expected? 

“What, is it my birthday or something?” Merle chuckles, gesturing the elf in. Taako shakes his head. 

“Nope, grab your coin purse, we’re going shopping.”

Merle stops. “Oh. Uh, no thanks.” 

Taako rolls his eyes. “Wasn’t a question, kemosabe. I’m picking for you but I’m not paying for you so you better grab some cash.”

Merle squints. Taako is hard to understand-the elf has a habit of hiding behind his biting wit. And while Merle appreciates it, he doesn’t always know when Taako’s being genuine or not.

“Are you actually taking me shopping?” Merle asks, and Taako’s face softens.

“I promise, on my honor,” and that earns a snicker from Merle that Taako responds to casually by flipping him off, “all I’m doing is taking you shopping.”

“Well, why? Something wrong with my clothes?” Merle checks his outfit- cargo shorts and a navy blue hawaiian shirt that’s covered with cars that Magnus dubbed “Cargaritaville”. Nothing too bad or out of the usual about that.

“I want to burn your clothes,” Taako deadpans, “but that’s not the point. Listen, when Lup came out? We went shopping. When I came out? Shopping. See a pattern here?”

“Something about shopping.”

Taako rolls his eyes, fighting back a grin. “The point is you came out fifty years ago during the apocalypse. And then forgot about it and came out again a year ago. Which means I owe you, at the very least one, maybe two, shopping trips.”

“There’s no way I’m getting out of this, is there?” Merle asks.

Taako grins. “Nope.”

The dwarf sighs. “Let me grab some change.”

***

Taako’s intended destination, it turns out, is Fantasy Good Will. 

“It’s got good deals, gender neutral stations to try on clothes, and less people judge what section you’re looking in,” Taako explains. “Don’t fuck with Fantasy Good Will, asshole.”

“D’you already bring what’s their name on one of these trips?” Merle says, kicking rocks on the way into the store.

“Agnes?” Merle nods. “Yeah, like a month ago. Get with the program, geezer.” Merle just laughs, which leads to an elbow in the ribs from Taako.

Inside the store Merle pauses. “Now what?” 

Taako rolls his eyes. “Check to see what they got. Have you never gone shopping before?”

“Jeez, leave me alone, kid,” Merle says, fighting a smile. “In, uh, what section? Mens?”

Taako gets on his knees to be at eye level with the dwarf. With anyone else, this scene would be ridiculous but, hey, it’s Taako.

“That’s what we’re here for, bubbleh. Men’s, women’s, electronics, you buy from what looks good, alright?”

Merle smiles. “Huh. I can get by that.”

***

“Absolutely not, take that off,” Taako says as Merle leaves the changing room. “In good conscious I cannot let you buy that.”

“Aw, I kinda like it,” Merle frowns, running his hands over the combination of neon hawaiian shirt and lime green miniskirt. “Got a beach theme going.”

“Merle, I say this because you’re kinda like a parent figure for me-if you buy that I will have no choice but to kill you.”

Merle pauses. “Parent figure, huh?”

Taako freezes. “Gotta problem with that?”

Merle quickly shakes his head. “Nah, not at all. Kinda consider you all my first kids. My test run.”

“Oh,” Taako says. “Cool.”

They pause for a moment.

Merle breaks the silence. “You sure this outfit is a no? ‘Cuz I think I’m rocking it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so short. THank you for reading!


	13. Those Kinds of Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus Terry Burnsides doesn’t always feel like a man. 
> 
> Growing up, nobody tells you what it’s like to feel like a woman, what it’s like to feel like a man, what’s it like to feel like both or neither or some combination. They expect you to know, or to stick with what you’re given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Were you wondering when I was coming back? So was I!
> 
> In personal news, I started testosterone, which is super exciting!
> 
> This chapter is a request i got a loooong time ago that im excited to finally fulfill. "hello i love ur trans horny boys fic so much,,, and i recently developed a new headcanon that i cant find anywhere,,,, would u ever consider writing genderfluid magnus?"
> 
> ABSOLUTELY!
> 
> I also realized that in 12 chapters we've never had pronouns other than he, she, or they??? Which is bullshit.
> 
> In this chapter Magnus uses xie/xier/xem pronouns.
> 
> Warning for discussion of Ravensroost, but xier gonna be ok.

Magnus Terry Burnsides doesn’t always feel like a man. 

Growing up, nobody tells you what it’s like to feel like a woman, what it’s like to feel like a man, what’s it like to feel like both or neither or some combination. They expect you to know, or to stick with what you’re given.

 

***

In Ravensroost the people are kind and soft, they speak in quiet tones when xie asks them to be quieter, they listen to xier stories and they understand.

In Ravensroost xie meets Julia, and she’s beautiful. And she isn’t afraid.

Xie learns more from Julia then from anyone else. How to braid your own hair, how to paint your nails without getting too much on your fingers. How to hold a knife safely, I swear Magnus, didn’t you say you were a carpenter?

She teaches xem how to love, and in return xie teach her how to bathe a dog, how to throw someone over your shoulder like a sack of meat, how to dance in the kitchen while the bread is baking. How to love someone back with all your heart and soul.

The townspeople see the couple pass. Julia and her spouse, they joke, sometimes her husband, sometimes her wife, always her best friend.

***

Ravensroost falls, and part of Magnus does too.

Xie doesn’t move on; instead, Magnus rushes in.

***

The Bureau of Balance is good for Magnus, in a lot of ways. 

It helps to block the pain of Julia, the image of her dark curly hair and her million watt smile.

But it also brings along Taako From Tv.

Taako is… warm. Familiar. He feels like home in a way that Magnus doesn’t understand but doesn’t fight. Xie needs a home right now, and xie has a feeling Taako does too.

Taako wears dresses and skirts, Taako tells people not to call him a dude. Taako understands Magnus in a way very few others do, but the two of them don’t talk about it, don’t even mention it, until after Refuge. 

Because the “man in the red robe” is xem. Xie know that, but it doesn’t add up, it doesn’t make sense. It’s fuzzy, and illogical, like there’s more to the thought that just won’t come. There’s a logical conclusion there that xie fight to realize, but xie lose everytime.

So instead xie focus on the “man” in the robe. 

Taako finds xem sprawled on the floor. He sighs.

“Is this post-relic depression,” he asks, “regular depression, or something else?”

Magnus frowns. “Gender depression,” xie admits. It’s all xie can tell Taako for now.

Taako nods. “Dysphoria,” he says, “and Taako’s got just the thing. Be right back, kemosabe.”

Taako returns moments later with a large container of nail polish, makeup brushes, and even a few old skirts that Magnus has never seen before. 

“Are those my size?” Xie asks, eyeing the skirts. 

“Get off my back,” Taako simply replies, throwing the skirts in question at Magnus. “Do you know how to do this?”

Magnus frowns. “Julia taught me nails and eyeshadow, but never foundation.”

“Who’s Julia?”

Magnus freezes.

“Magnus? Magnus? Aw, shit,” xie hears Taako say. “Merle? Anybody good with emotions, because I’m not feeling this.”

“I’m fine,” xie manages. Taako gives xem a look, but instead points to the pile of nail polish colors.

“What’s your choice, homie?”

Magnus thinks about this very important decision before deciding on a lavender. It’s fitting, in a way. Julia’s favorite.

“Fuck yes, we got some taste,” Taako mutters, unscrewing the cap.

“I can do it myself,” Magnus assures, but Taako shakes his head.

“You never been pampered before? Relax, Taako’s got this.” His gaze turns cold. “You tell anyone I did this for you, you’re dead, though. Capiche?”

Magnus nods. Taako starts to get to work. The two are silent for a long moment before Magnus speaks.

“She was my wife. Julia.”

Taako lets out a huff. “Didn’t know you were married.” Magnus nods. The sound of paint on nails is soothing. It sounds like home, although Magnus can’t figure out why. “Was she - was she ok? With you, y’know, being trans?”

Magnus smiles. “She was the best. She, uh, she helped me realize that I was genderfluid.” Taako looks up at that. He looks the fragilest that Magnus has ever seen him. Taako nods, so Magnus continues. “She would always ask, in the mornings, what kinda day it was. Like, girl day or boy day, although she also couldn’t remember the days of the week.” Magnus smiles and relaxes into xier memories. “And she made buttons for pronouns, and if someone said the wrong thing she’d only correct them if I wanted her to.”

“Sounds baller,” Taako says, voice small. Magnus nods. 

“There’s gonna be someone to love you for you,” Magnus says. There’s a brief smile on Taako’s face before he pushes xem over.

***

It’s hard, for Lucretia, to take Magnus’ century for one reason more than anyone else. 

It wasn’t until cycle fifteen that xie approached anyone about what was happening.

Lucretia hears the commotion and she runs into the room immediately only to be met with a confusing sight.

Magnus is in the middle of the room, one twin doing each hand with bright blue nail polish. The twins are chanting, “One of us! One of us!”

“Is everything ok,” Lucretia asks. Taako turns to Magnus, who nervously nods.

“Maggie’s not cis or straight, apparently,” Taako cheerfully announces.

Magnus looks at her with such fear. She knows it all too well. 

“One of us, one of us,” Lucretia chants as she moves to sit beside Lup. Magnus smiles at her. “Can I braid your hair?” She asks.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” xie replies.

***

Erasing the century means erasing their friends, the people who have become so close to them, so important to them. The only people in this world that matter.

It means erasing the good cycles, like erasing the Beach year, and Puppy World, and the Legatto. 

It means erasing Magnus’s realization, xier seventy five years of contentment in xier identity.

She does it, and she knows she’s beyond forgiveness.

***

Memories are - memories are weird, when they come back. An entire century erased, a century of-

-of peril, of knowing death was around the corner, of waiting not so patiently for it.

-of fear, of seeing loved ones in pain, and helpess, and having to watch.

-of love, of discovery, of midnight conversations, of ‘i think i might be’s, of exploration and experimentation.

-of friends. Of family. 

And then they’re back. And the hunger is there to fight, but Magnus is not alone.

***

They talk, when the end of the world is over.

“I forgive you,” Magnus says.

“You shouldn’t,” Lucretia says.

“Too fucking bad,” xie says, and Lucretia laughs. 

And forgiveness is that easy, for xem, when it comes to the people xie love.

***

Training service dogs is easy. Living is surprisingly easy. Dying is easier.

Being with Julia has always been so simple.

She meets xem at the door, grinning from ear to ear. She’s beautiful. She always has been, but after so long she’s immaculate. 

She takes xem in her arms, enveloping xem in a hug. 

“I missed you,” xie whispers.

“I missed you, too,” she replies. She takes something out of a pocket on her dress and places it in xier hand.

It’s a little button, made of wood, with xie/xier/xem loving carved into it.

“We have a lifetime left of this,” she smiles. “So what kind of day is it?”


	14. Kindred Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz meets Taako’s friends, after the end of the world, and they’re all pretty swell.
> 
> Barry and Lup are easy to get along with, which is good, since he’ll be seeing them often.
> 
> Merle is surprisingly kind to him, despite the whole arm situation, but the two don’t really talk much.
> 
> But Magnus Burnsides? Kravitz likes Magnus Burnsides a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on an anon I got on my tumblr after I asked for prompts to celebrate starting t. "im love trans magnus and trans kravitz so if u could do smth involving one or both of em thatd be great,, congrats on the t btw!"
> 
> Well, friend, here you go!
> 
> I haven't updated in too long and I'm real sorry about that. The hope is to update this story soon, but no promises <3

Kravitz meets Taako’s friends, after the end of the world, and they’re all pretty swell.

Barry and Lup are easy to get along with, which is good, since he’ll be seeing them often.

Merle is surprisingly kind to him, despite the whole arm situation, but the two don’t really talk much.

But Magnus Burnsides? Kravitz likes Magnus Burnsides a lot.

There’s something about the man. He’s kind, compassionate, and clever. He’s there for Taako on rough days when the elf’s hands are shaking. 

But he’s also there for Kravitz, too, on the days where the reaper finds himself thinking of thick black smoke, of being trapped in the Hunger. Or even days where he replays his death.

He gets so used to Magnus in the thick of trouble, it’s surprising to find that Magnus is still here for him in the good times, too. 

“I gotta give you the shovel talk,” Magnus says. He and Kravitz are on the porch of Magnus’s house, watching Angus, Mavis, and Mookie chase after the dogs. Taako is off to the side, a pomeranian on his lap, while Lup and Barry are playing fetch with a husky. Merle tries to join his kids, but he just can’t run that fast. Magnus and Kravitz have both voted to sit this one out.

“Aren’t we past that point?” Kravitz asks. He’s had this conversation from everyone else, but he hadn’t been expecting this one.

Magnus shakes his head. “Nope. I gave Taako one, gotta give you one. Them’s the rules.”

Kravitz blinks, confused. “Why did you give Taako the shovel talk?”

“Because we’re friends,” Magnus states, as if it’s obvious. Kravitz is touched. “But,” Magnus continues, “Taako has been my friend for a hundred years more so if you hurt him we’re gonna have to fight.”

“I understand,” Kravitz replies.

Magnus nods. “I knew you would.”

***

Kravitz knows that, after his death, he could have chose to change his body however he liked. But there was something comforting about the scars along his breasts, something that reminded him of a time long ago, so he kept them with pride and really thought nothing of it.

It’s at a pool party that the scars get mentioned.

“Kravitz!” A loud, familiar voice booms out. Kravitz turns quickly to discover Magnus Burnsides in daschund swim trunks. His shirt is off, revealing a collection of scars, including the same ones that Kravitz has on his chest. “Same hat!” The human exclaims.

And with that Magnus cannonballs into the pool.

***

“Was it different,” Magnus asks, “back then?”

Kravitz thinks. “I don’t know. It was less talked about but it wasn’t taboo.”

Magnus nods. “How’d you figure out?”

“Well,” Kravitz says, “I never really felt comfortable as a girl. I didn’t really there was another option until I was eighteen, but by then, there was no turning back. You?”

Magnus smiles. “When I was six I gave all my dresses to the dogs to chew on and ran around the house naked screaming ‘I’m a boy’.”

Kravitz laughs. “There’s always more than one way to do it.”

***

“C’mon, Krav,” Magnus whines, “it’s a lot of fun.”

“I don’t think the Raven Queen would approve of black nail polish,” he says. Magnus groans.

“Lemme check,” Lup announces, grabbing her scythe and disappearing before Kravitz can stop her. For a horrifying moment she’s gone, and then she’s back, grinning from ear to ear. “She said it’s fine.”

Kravitz is glad that he doesn’t need to breathe. “You asked her?” His voice is shrill in his own ears.

“Of course, Skeletor,” Lup replies, sitting down. “I wanted to check for myself. Do me in blood red,” she instructs Barry, “and I’ll do you in denim?”

He grins “Sounds good.” The two uncap the respective bottles and start getting to work. 

“Hey, Krav,” Magnus says, “want me to do yours?”

Kravitz looks in the kitchen. Taako had insisted it was going to be a while. “Sure.”

Magnus crouches down, grabbing the black, and starts getting to work. It’s a surprisingly nice sensation. “You ever done this before?” The fighter asks.

“I never had the opportunity,” Kravitz shakes his head. “It always felt too feminine.”

Magnus nods. “It’s just paint though,” he says, and Kravitz smiles. 

“It’s just paint,” he agrees.

***

Taking Magnus to the astral sea is harder than it should be. 

Because Kravitz knows he has to, that Magnus will be happy with Julia until the rest of their friends arrive, but it’s difficult to say goodbye to him. Because he’s Magnus, the guy who talks with his hands and will occasionally gesture so big he’ll smack people. He’s Magnus, who’s proud of his scars and will tell you how he got them. He’s Magnus, Kravitz’s best friend.

And he’ll miss him.

“Here you are,” Kravitz announces as they near the shore of Julia’s cottage.

“You’ll visit, right?” Magnus asks.

Kravitz nods. “Of course.”

Magnus grabs him and brings him into a hug. “Thank you,” he says, “for everything.”

Kravitz just nods, not trusting his words. 

Magnus steps back, a big smile on his face. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

And then he turns to the cottage, and makes his way towards the next stage of his existence.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, if you have any trans headcanons or situations put them in the comments and I'll write them for the next part of the series!
> 
> My tumblr is [edit: i changed it to @infernaltwink], scream about trans taz with me!


End file.
